Funny Tweets To Grind Boredom Into The Dirt

Author image for Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Sep 26, 2021 5:00 PM EDT

Twitter is like if you took a bunch of carrier pigeons, made them carry everyone's most weird and inconsequential thoughts, then shot them out of a cannon into a tornado, then had to scoop all the remains with a snow shovel into a dumpster full of tires, lit it on fire, and tried to read the letters as they burned and floated away. So naturally, there's some good stuff in there. Here are some more funny tweets to build character and cultivate strength.

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  • 01
    Organism - mujer valiente @KimberlyRubyy In Chicago we don't say "I love you". We say "yes, I can pick you up at O'hare" and I think that's beautiful. 9:49 AM · Jan 22, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone
    via geeseduck
  • 02
    Brown - When you don't feel like turning to your neighbor
    via deafkitten
  • 03
    Chair - Some kids nowadays will never know what it felt like to ride in the back of a Chevy S10. Who remembers this? @YeeYeeApparel
    via geeseduck
  • 04
    Font - Simon Holland O @simoncholland If an old dude ever gives you advice while peeling an apple with a pocket knife and eating pieces right off the blade, you should probably take it.
    via geeseduck
  • 05
    Font - blake butler @blakebutler If i have failed to respond or communicate with you in a timely manner, please know that i am trying very hard to be a person 12:30 PM 15 Sep 20 · Twitter Web App >
    via geeseduck
  • 06
    Font - David ‮ yensiR @David_Risney A second great reason to not eat uranium Pavel A. Samsonov @PavelASa... · 2d Show this thread how many calories in uranium ALL IMAGES NEWS SHOPPING VIDEOS МА 20 billion calories A gram uranium is roughly 20 billion calories. Dec 20, 2015
    via geeseduck
  • 07
    World - giabuchi lastrassi @jaboukie corporations be like Join Us in the battle to STOP US from destroying the Planet
    via geeseduck
  • 08
    Plant - Pharrell has listed his Beverly Hills mansion for $17 million bit.ly/ This man live in a community college
    via geeseduck
  • 09
    Product - Father Drinks McGee @drinksmcgee Patrick Stewart gives the worst presents ever. Patrick Stewart Surprises Fan With A Life Threatening Illness!
    via geeseduck
  • 10
    Font - jordan @jordan_stratton Designer: How big should the gap between the car's front seat and center console be? Boss: Big enough for your phone to fall through. Designer: And also big enough for your hand to retrieve it? Boss: haha oh goodness no
    via geeseduck
  • 11
    Glasses - Me opening my front door to grab a package the Amazon driver dropped off... My dong fel1 out. Some woman saw it.
    via geeseduck
  • 12
    Pug - When you're having a bad day so you start thinking about dinner
    via deafkitten
  • 13
    Gesture - Dr Whom @chapel3929 *grunts when sitting down* *flat out screams when getting up* 3/6/17, 4:13 PM 15 RETWEETS 70 LIKES
    via geeseduck
  • 14
    Organism - Oregon Rolled A 20(Positiv... @OregonRolledA2O If we don't stop global warming that means those who live in Florida are going to move to other states... is that what you really want?
    via geeseduck
  • 15
    Sky - Richie Kanceled @RichieKanceled the opposite of a debbie downer is bethamphetamine
    via CodyBurkett
  • 16
    Nose - No one: My eyes in pictures:
    via deafkitten
  • 17
    Light - Simon Harley @simonhar. · 23h The global truck driver shortage has not been exaggerated.
    via deafkitten
  • 18
    Font - GRAVEYARD MAN @nailheadparty TOM BOMBADIL: Old Tom Bombadil is a merry... [THE BEASTIE BOYS: FELLOW] Bright blue his [JACKET] is and his [BOOTS] are [YELLOW] 16:22 · 13 Aug 21 · Twitter Web App ...
    via CodyBurkett
  • 19
    Font - nik @cairngum Normalise being bitter and consumed by hatred 8:34 AM · 12/28/20 · Twitter for Android
    via CodyBurkett
  • 20
    Organism - J.R.R. Jokin @joshcarlosjosh hot girl summer is over. the time of the orc has come
    via CodyBurkett
  • 21
    Rectangle - i have found my olympic talent &PIEEVS Evgenia MEDVEDEVA Music: Sailor Moon OST
    via CodyBurkett
  • 22
    Glasses - Thereminace To Society @djbenhameen ... | can't stop laughing. l ạm tired of this family. Their matters. 2:08 PM · 2021-09-02 · Twitter for iPhone 3,149 Retweets 75 Quote Tweets 20.5K Likes
    via CodyBurkett
  • 23
    World - SparkNotes O @SparkNotes I'm not the main character l'm one of the housekeepers hearing strange noises coming from the third floor of this Gothic manor and simply saying "that's not my business" 12:27 PM · 2021-09-03 · Twitter Web App 428 Retweets 13 Quote Tweets 1,880 Likes
    via CodyBurkett
  • 24
    Font - bear in the bahamas @paddingtonrocks sobbing Vincent D'Onofrio @vincentdonofrio Pigs can't look up. But I could pick a pig up one night and raise it into the sky and tilt this pig ever so gentle. I can make sure this pigs eyes line up with the stars. Imagine seeing the stars 4the first time.l want 2b treated that kindly and see the stars for the first time. 4:44 PM · 4/20/19 · Twitter for iPhone 1:35 PM · 2021-09-02 · Twitter for iPhone 832 Retweets 41 Quote Tweets 8,501 Likes
    via CodyBurkett
  • 25
    Photograph - My dad with a fish / My dad with me HAPP
    via deafkitten
  • 26
    Forehead - Me in the produce section
    via deafkitten
  • 27
    Hair - when you jump the gun on wearing your new fall clothes and spend all day acting like its not too hot out for long sleeves
    via deafkitten

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absurd clever Memes lol goofy silly dumb funny tweets funny stupid
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